Hanger On

Dear Hanger On,

By the skin of your teeth you have hung on to this  last almost failed relationship like a cat clinging to the swaying branch of a tree he unwittingly ended up scaling.  Even now you wonder at your tenacity and your willingness to go back to something you know is clearly not easy and natural.  Maybe the desire to be comfortable, even when the comfort level is insecurity and lack of communication, supersedes the desire to be in a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.  One thing is certain, this swaying branch you are helplessly trapped on has taught you invaluable survival skills, there is nothing quite as motivating as a life or death grip when you have fallen before and the result was as close to a nervous breakdown as you have ever been.

He is as cunning and as dangerous as a Las Vegas big cat, trapped in an emotional ex-wife cage waiting for the enthusiastic burst of applause to trigger his next performance.  This time it is reconnecting with her parents who are in town, and taking his mother along, so they can pretend in epic Southern denial that "nothing happened."  This is the only family you have ever been around where they demand you accept and embrace all of the the exes (and there are so many of them) and their convoluted family members without comment or complaint.  You hung on to the notion that time would surely remedy this but unfortunately it is the same over and over, only the show time changes as does the story of her and her whole families betrayal and abandonment.  They will all drawl "hey!" to each other and "How ya'll doing?" as if none of the complete craziness of the past four years occurred.  It isn't forgiveness as much as an unwillingness to move forward with new people, new relationships.  The ex will be pleased that she has gotten him roped back into her dysfunctional families clutches so that she can snap her whip and make him bound onto a pedestal, even when he is snarling and defensive she enjoys making him perform for her.  He hangs on to the unusual notion that this is normal and will be great when their daughter has children,  which just justifies the entire inbred clans countless failed marriages.  If any of them could spell "boundary" much less understand the concept of it perhaps you would not be where you are, claws out, tenaciously clutching a past with no hope and a future with very little. 

Your choice is to scamper back down that tree trunk of disappointment and confusion, to curl up in the sun and blatantly ignore them all like a well fed cat.  He isn't ready to let the past go, but you don't have to chase that string anymore.  The show will go on...without you.