Where have you gone? Even with a crazy work schedule and dogs and kids and trying always to take care of the world you used to be happy. One year of crazy happy followed by an insane year and a half of absolute abject misery can do that to a person. You research narcissistic personality disorder, you relive the coldness, the anger, the detachment, the robotic overly scheduled emotionless months, the lack of caring about what you were going through, the snide critical comments. How much can a person take? Alone on the first night of the cruise while he drank himself into oblivion and gambled recklessly, completely ignoring you, you realized you were done. He had effectively abused you out of loving him. The appreciation you had for his caring that had somehow bridged the gap of his weird obsession with his ex wife was gone. He would sit at your house with a scowl on his face, with no joy at all, existing in a critical self absorbed state of misery, judging you now instead of helping. You don't remember him ever saying he was sorry, ever. You don't remember the last time he looked at you with love. So you had to make the call, change into Unhappy Girl forever, or move on knowing you deserve to be with someone at least capable of loving, of being happy himself. He left to go out of town without even bothering to tell you, wrapped up as usual with his gambling obsession. So you cried, as usual, begged, as usual, tried to make sense of it and failed, as usual. It's going to be hard to find her again, but Happy Girl is still there, under a mountain of hurt and anger. It's time to dig her out, she was buried alive by control, anger and inconsideration. She deserves to shine again, to be cleaned up and set free to share her joy with the world.
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