Project Manager

Dear Project Manager,

Tight schedules, delays, angry clients, weepy clients, missing materials, subcontractors begging for money, hundreds of text messages each and every day, including Sunday...it's no wonder you are a tiny bit burnt out.  The end result is gorgeous, the clients are usually repentant and refer you so the steady stream of people never varies.  This is not what you had in mind when you started a design and build company, but you have been able to twist yourself around the demands of your clients so that somehow it works, if not exactly like they anticipate at least enough to make very good money and put both of your kids through college.  Unfortunately there is a lot of drama and unnecessary friction that is inherent in the design and build process, and it requires diligence, organization and a tough upper lip.

No so with the management of your past relationship.  If there was ever a project that you undertook with woefully little information and a blase attitude that you could and would make this work out, it was this last one.  He was alternately completely into you, showering you with attention and trips and helping at the house, or completely self absorbed and not communicating at all.  You were supposed to be available when he wanted you to be, but there was never an exchange of work schedules, obligations, calendars or prior commitments.  At least with your subs you can communicate with them, cajole, threaten, flatter to get some forward momentum going.  With him you had no power, if you tried to talk about feelings he physically left or got furious.  If you had plans already he was annoyed.  If you didn't show up on time to the minute he was aggravated.  If you showed any weakness he was disdainful.  If you talked about the future it was like trying to talk to your Mexican painter who nods and smiles while listening to you when you know full well he isn't able to process what you are communicating to him.  His complete and total lack of empathy for you, your life, your job, your problems made ever getting past the design phase impossible, he was never going to let you build anything for or with him.

So this has been the longest project you ever tried to complete, and you walked away half way through because you knew in your heart the benefit didn't outweigh the risk.  It was exactly like the Jewish client who agreed to the contract then spent six months ignoring it and paying you what he wanted when he wanted.   You can try to quantify and plot and revise calendars and expectations but in the end the resistance that makes even a micro renovation difficult to get under contract is what caused the abrupt end of discussion between you two.  You have enough of this in your job, it was unfair that you had to do it in your personal life.  It can be someone elses' project now, let's see how she does trying to build a life with him when he is mired firmly in his past marriage and his rigid self imposed calendar.