Thinker

Dear Thinker,

You thought he loved you.  Now you beat yourself up every day questioning him, you, the two and half years, love, whether or not you are lovable, what you did wrong, what he did wrong, what could have should have happened in order to salvage that love...

The truth is you cannot make someone love you.  You can try to be what and who they want, you can bury large chunks of yourself in the hopes that the meager remains of your personality and your life are appealing to him, you can try to be skinnier, more organized, less emotional, more punctual, cleaner, a better cook, less needy, more flexible, less "touchy feely", more focused on home maintenance...but then they wouldn't love you, they would love a fake, watered down, unauthentic version of you.

Perhaps the real truth is that you loved him, but maybe you too wanted a watered down version.  You wanted a less obsessive compulsive, more openly loving, emotional, easy going, better educated, more flexible joyful version of him.  Not fair of you, to try and make someone be what you need to be happy.  If the chasm between you was so great, of course building a bridge between your lives was too hard for both of you.  There is nothing wrong with admitting that.  It doesn't negate the great times you had, the support you gave each other, the friendship, the closeness.  That is what a relationship is, and not every relationship ends with happily ever after.  There wouldn't be quite so many songs written about failed love if it was that easy.

You thought you loved each other.  Now stop beating yourself up every day questioning him, you, the two and half years, love, whether or not you are lovable.  Sometimes it just doesn't fit, it just doesn't work for the long haul.  Give both of you credit for trying and move on.  The words you texted him to end it say it all, "I just don't think is should be this hard"...