Dazed

  Dear Dazed and Confused,

You try to be clear, to communicate, to work through the ins and outs and ups and downs of every problem.  You never give up, having been walked out on by your Mom you find it impossible to walk out on anyone. Even when you should.  So it makes sense that you keep trying to get him to tell you clearly and concisely what happened to the love he supposedly felt for you, because you are so confused.  You would rather be hit hard over the head with it, and in a concussed and headachy delirium accept the truth.  Only he won't.  Or he can't.  Today he went from I do love you even now, to I don't know if I ever loved you.  He said you were pretty, you dressed nicely and he used to get excited to see you.  That is not love.  That cannot even be compared to love, that unique connection that two people share and the commitment to unconditionally accepting each other.  That is a fourth grade crush, a superficial attraction to how someone looks.   Love is looking into another persons' soul and accepting everything you see in there, the good the bad and the ugly.  Love is being steadfast in your ability to work through problems, to trust that the other person will honor your feelings.  Love is being a good partner, someone who accepts the strength you have when they are weak and vice versa.  Love is not caring what a person looks like, because being with them is happiness personified and happiness doesn't have a face or a body type.  Love is wanting to walk away and having the courage to stay.  Love is gracious forgiveness.

It's confusing, this sudden withdrawal, this angry abandonment.  No one wins, you are dating to have something to do, traveling alone, sometimes going to events alone.  He is alone as well.  You spent the last six weeks in a daze, barely functioning at work, your scattered brain furiously trying to make sense of the incomprehensible.  Today you realized that you will never know, you will never have the answer because he doesn't even know.  He doesn't know if he loved you then or if he loves you now or if he ever could.  And you realize that as disoriented as you are, he is truly lost and bewildered, dazed and confused.